worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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