I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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