This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
the raccoons are back...
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