3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
