so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
