I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize