You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
