This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
