Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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