Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
