i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
