Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it because I queefed?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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