At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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