he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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