Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
