they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
