I wish my penis had an off switch
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can you bring me the toilet please
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize