i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize