Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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