im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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