How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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