In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
