i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I color on your dick again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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