If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
