Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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