I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
