If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize