How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
