You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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