I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
