Cold hands, warm shart.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize