she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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