my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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