people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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