I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize