I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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