Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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