did you get engaged???
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
