it wasn't lemon gatorade
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
