Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
