i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
