I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
