i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
