why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
