come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
