I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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