Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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