Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
