i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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