Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The best revenge is premature balding
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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