i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
