I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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