I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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