Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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