I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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