its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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