im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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