On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
