I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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