I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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