He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
