It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
