i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
