dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
