dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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