I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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