I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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