I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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