So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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