this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
