guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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