I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
