they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
