you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
