please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
