Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
