please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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