During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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