Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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