What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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