youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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