they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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