Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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