I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
