she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
