It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
