so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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