I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
