Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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