girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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