Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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