Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
