I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize