i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
