Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
