You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
